| A Road Divided |
| Summary: | Alia and Ludovic seek some respite at the Inn. And argue. As they do. |
| Date: | 2019-01-21 |
| Related: | None |
| NPCs: | None |
| Players: |
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| City - The Golden Bull Inn |
| The Golden Bull Inn is certainly one of the more expensive Inns to visit, the decor is highly fashionable with exquisite carpentry showcasing a large bar that runs the length the Inn. Carved Fleur-de-Lys and plenty more decorations are etched into the wood, and throughout the beam-work that runs the length and breadth of the ceiling. Expensive chandeliers hang from those very beams, casting a warm light throughout the bustling inn, while servants move freely from table to table, of which a good many and their respective high-backed chairs are scattered throughout the large room. A huge inglenook fireplace dominates the westernmost wall, ensuring heat and a focus, roaring flames kept burning throughout the winter months. With doors leading off to various parts of the Inn, and an ornate staircase leading upwards to the first floor, a good many rooms of equal opulence and good taste stand ready for guests of good standing. |
| 1875-01-21 |
With the roads between Candeo and Hellmouth City bustling, well, not quite bustling, but at least more free than they had been in months past, it had the benefit of making travel in the deep winter months that much easier. Traveling on horse was still an acceptable for of travel, and the stables and such that might have been closed were still in full operation. And always looking for a bit of extra coin. So the stabling of their horses was not much trouble for Alia and her usual companions. They had just seen the horses off, and were, from the looks of it, headed towards the Inn.
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It is as Alia's party goes to head out of the stableyard that Ludovic's small group rides in and the three men and two squires dismount from their beasts. Ludovic is not dressed very differently to the others in the group, having adopted the warm comfort of his cote almost the minute he got back home, and when his gaze swivels to take in Alia and the imperials presence he's quick to hand over his reins to Brandon and stride over in her direction. "Alia. What a pleasant surprise." He glances along their presumed path and then looks back to her. "Mind if I accompany you?"
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Alia's men were accustomed to the Tribune spending time in the Viscount's company, and so they simply did as they usually did, and stepped back to allow Ludovic room to join Alia once she had indicated her permission, "Of course not, Dovi. I am always happy to have your company." She did step forward to meet him, before she continued on towards the Inn, "I feel that I ready to bid the depths of winter farewell." The Inn was indeed a welcome sight. "It is good to see you. How has the time been treating you since we last met?"
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Ludovic's own men appear to be shadowing him today, having quickly left their own mounts in the care of the squires and stablehands to follow. Ludovic doesn't pay them much mind, probably expecting it. "I'm glad to be home again. I'm getting to old to spend a cold month in the saddle without getting some aches. At least the trials of court and market come with the virtues of a hot bath." He starts to unbuckle the straps on one of his gauntlets, shifting his czekan into the crook of his arm in order to facilitate the effort. "Had Candeo been treating you well? I thought the barracks you've been building looked almost comfortable."
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Alia moved to, if Ludovic allowed, to slip the czekan from the crook of his arm, and to hold it loosely, to allow him to more easily remove his gauntlets. It was an easy, friendly gesture, but she would withdraw her hand if she seemed averse to it, "Old? Dovi, you are barely two years older than I am. I think it is fairer to say that your years of being a knight have had more effect than your age. Still, I did not know you'd made such a long journey. A rest is certainly well-deserved." She did offer a smile at his inquiry, "They have been comfortable enough, though there are still days when the wind through the pass is particularly cold, that I find reasons to hide myself away in the kitchens. There is always a great fire going there."
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The move to take his czekan is one that makes him look at her more in surprise than anything else and he soon shifts his arm to let her take it and even says a quick "Thanks"
He gives a rich chuckle at her response to his age. "You'd be saying much the same thing if you spent that much time sleeping in caves as well I reckon. 'Cept I doubt you ever have to worry about getting cold." He removes his helm next, tucking the gauntlets into the padded interior before reaching, almost without thinking about it, for the return of his weapon. "I was hoping it would have caused more of an impact over in your camp. Did so many of the slaves not make it?"
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Alia seemed content to wait, the weapon held lightly in her hands as Ludovic divested himself of his trappings, and returning the weapon as soon as it was reached for. Once that was done, she slipped her hands back into pockets she seemed to have build into her cloak, "Then I suppose the trick is not to sleep in caves." There was amusement in her voice, as she waited for him to be settled before she would head on towards the inn, "No, the cold does not bother me, usually, but when it is very bitter, keeping myself warm requires energy I would rather not expend." She shook her head at the question, "Candeo is only a small outpost. Those who you lead back from the wilds went on to Paras where they could be better cared for."
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Ludovic certainly isn't moving like a man brought low by aches and pains. He gives her a quick grin at her comment about sleeping in caves. "Next time i'm over the border I intend to sleep in a real bed." He gives another of those rich chuckles. "I might still choose the cave over the roof though."
He takes the half-step needed to get ahead of her so that he can open the door on her behalf. "I'll ask after them when I arrive in Paras. I've been having doubts about how right it was to leave them to fend for themselves like that ever since I first put down the plans."
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"Knowing you, I suppose that you would. I would hope that you would at least bring some sort of bedroll, so you weren't in a cave and on the floor." Alia paused, in perfect step, hanging back to allow Ludovic to open the door in just enough time for her to step through, her hands almost immediately reaching for her cloak to unfasten it and shake it off of her shoulders. "Doubts rarely serve any good purpose when the past can't be changed, Dovi. And sometimes, most of the time, all of the choices are bad ones. They are no longer imprisoned by the Qatunax Take that as a win."
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"Done's done like you say." Ludovic hands his own cloak off as well before giving her an appreciative smile. "Its not that. It was because, like you said, all the choices were bad in some way. I'm glad I did it. Glad I used my magic too. We'd not have been able to go so far or so hard if not for it." He picks a table and wraps his fingers about the back of the chair. "Tried to get to your families old holdings but the Qatunax caught us."
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Alia allowed Ludovic to lead the way inside the inn, both his men and hers likely dispersing in the usual formation. Alia was not paying either group any mind. She did offer a smile, as she saw Ludovic rest a hand on the chair, and sat when he pulled it out for her. "Then it doesn't seem that you have any reason to doubt your actions. You made the choice you felt was best with the information you had at that time." The mention of the old d'Meloni lands brought a shake of her head, "There is no hope of victory on that account, yet. But I will be interested to hear if any of those who are in Paras know more about what has been going on there."
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"I just wanted to know what was up there." Ludovic admits with a touch of frustration in his voice. "Anytime I try making sense of the intelligence I have I end up wanting to throw things. Whats this new god? Is it important? Where are they being fed from?" He shrugs as if to dispel it and takes a seat opposite her. "So I wanted to see the old border. I did learn that they've a troop center off near the old Ryker holdings. So that's something." He casts a glance across at the cooking area. Seems to come to a decision and then tells her with his typical bluntness. "Aequor's declared sorcery illegal. You need to be careful."
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Alia settled into her seat, arranging her cloak on the chair behind her, so that her arms were free and bare, "We all want to know more about what we are facing, Ludovic. There's no shame in admitting that. This is a difficult time, winter, to try to do that. And spring will be both better and worse. It is good that you did, but better that you escaped before they were able to rout you." She took a moment, turning to look in the same direction as Ludovic, so that she was not looking at him directly when he spoke next. the words, though, did bring her eyes back in his direction, "I had not heard that. I can imagine this must make things extremely dangerous for you. But I am always careful, when I am away from Imperial lands. "
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"This is different." Ludovic tells her. "We always knew the inquisition had the authority to kill us over it but now its official. The King made sure to emphasise how serious it was by executing a nobleman. Know you're imperial and snatching you has repercussions but, you sure those repercussions are bigger than executing one of his most important vassals sworn men? I'm not. So you, and Darius too, needed warning." The point about it being dangerous for him makes him look uncomfortable but his words are aimed at brushing the concern off. "I'll manage. Always do." He clears his throat. "Reckon i'll just have some frumenty today. Maybe some cheese."
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"The anger of one House and perhaps those related to them versus an act that could be seen as an act of war he does not have the forces to control or command? Do you think your King is ready to repel the Imperial Legion? regardless, I will be sure to let Darius know. He will be grateful for the information, I have no doubt." Alia lifted her shoulders in a light shrug, "I do not make it a habit to flaunt my magic, and most of what I can do, or would do in public, can be replicated or explained away by my alchemy. But I will bear that in mind. The fact that he has made it law, however…that seems to tie him more tightly to the High Priest and to Rikton. And that seems, to me, to be as worrying."
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"The law, about it being punishable by execution, was brought in alongside one about worshiping the many." Ludovic says. "So I reckon you're right about tightening the ties. Cardinal Ramius has always had his ear though, far as I know, so I can't say its exactly a surprise. Still." he gets an expression of distaste. "I cant see how any law that sentences a man based merely on potential can ever be considered Just. Can't believe they are really gonna kill innocents like that. It goes against everything our ideals stand for."
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"The One is a god who preached benevolence and love, but the Church of the One? That, so far as I can see, is filled with corruption and avarice that would rival Four Corners itself. There is, I think, very little that is holy left in that institution or in the ones who follow its man-created doctrines. I think we will see only worse, once the Church begins to exert its influence. Aequor is not only causing division within its own ranks, but alienating its allies in Galenthia, at a time in which it cannot afford to lose allies. I cannot help but recall the evil that was done by Teleko, when he wore the guise of a priest of the faith. Do you think the western kingdoms rooted out all of his followers? I have a feeling not." Alia's expression grew more thoughtful, as she considered his words, "Whose ideals are those, Ludovic? Did they not accept the teachings of the church before this point? It is not as if they prevented the inquisition from doing its work in Aequor before. All this is, is a more formalized announcement of their support."
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Ludovic rubs a hand up along his neck as she speaks of the corruption of the church, again looking a little uncomfortable. When she's finished he replies. "The churches virtues and the virtues of knighthood and honor. They aren't so different to each other. The One speaks of compassion, mercy and charity. The oaths speak of protecting the weak and fighting for the welfare of all. Even those nobles who are not bound by the oaths of knighthood are still supposed to be acting for the welfare of all." He sighs. "I've always had trouble trying to understand how the churches teachings on sorcery make any sense after what I've experienced. I KNOW i'm not evil." Again he rubs at his neck. "I just thought that the King would take a mans actions into account."
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"That is not what I am saying, Ludovic. I am not contesting faith, per-say, nor the teachings of the One. What I am contesting is how humans, weak, fallible, and prone to corruption have chosen to interpret those teachings and then, to implement them. Think about it. If the One has power over us all, if he belongs to us, and we belong to him, then everything that we are from healthy to sickly, from strong to disabled, from human to sorcerer all come from him. So who is man to render judgment onto what the One has created? It is not the Faith that is corrupt, but the men who claim to speak in the One's name." Alia reaches back, adjusting her cloak to use it to cushion her back against the slats of the chair. "Why would you think that?"
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Ludovic starts to put an argument together before admitting. "I don't know. It is how things are supposed to work. I mean.. If I was to do something despicable, like force you into my bed, then my previous service would matter - So how can it not matter for sorcery? It just doesn't make sense."
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Alia seemed as calm as ever, her words more thoughtful than anything else. This was not an argument, per-say, but clearly in her mind, the sort of picking apart of ideas and beliefs one might do when studying. "Would it matter though? Whether you are a good man or a bad one, the act of forcing oneself on a woman is a despicable act regardless. The only reason we would think that a knight doing so is worse than a say…raider or pirate or known person of poor character is because we tell ourselves that one person or another should be held to a higher standard. But, it does not make the violation of the woman more or less traumatic. She has still been violated. She still feels the same level of pain and suffering. So…if you begin with a single idea…sorcery is evil, and you do not make a distinction based on character or bad action, which clearly, you seem to be saying that the King has done, then it would not matter whether the sorcerer themselves committed good acts or evil ones. They are still evil, because the core of what they are is evil. A sinner who has asked forgiveness for their sins is still a sinner. They have still committed the act. The only difference is that they believe they have been absolved of the evil of that act."
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"It would matter." Ludovic says. "Because its the sum of a mans actions are what make him evil or good. He should be punished in either case, I'm not arguing that somehow being a good man makes a crime not a crime." He shakes his head. "Wasn't a good choice of example. I keep going back to the thought that maybe there IS a reason that sorcery is evil. What if using it does some harm that the church knows of from all its hoarded knowledge? I don't believe I'm evil but what if I actually am?"
"The church." Ludovic goes back to the statement she made before, speaking with a slow care that suggests he's actually thinking seriously about what she's said. "I think you're right. I think it is hurting us. Even if there is some great evil hidden in their books that is explains why sorcery needs to go - why wouldn't they tell us? If I knew /why/ it was evil. I'd probably surrender but right now, knowing what I know, I'm going to fight."
He looks down at his weapon for a moment before looking back to Alia with an almost hopeful expression. "Do you think the imperial church might be interested in sending someone to preach here? My priests gone."
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"But that is what you believe, Ludovic. You believe that there is a difference between a bad action and a good one. Let me offer another example. If you caught a man committing a crime, or defying one of your laws, you would punish him and him alone, correct? You would not also punish his children, or his wife, if they had had no connection to his crime. Because in your view of the world, that is wrong. Punishment should be rendered onto the one who committed the crime. And yet, for example, we have seen the Qatunax bring wholesale slaughter onto a people, and to them that is not evil. They do not care if it was, for example, only two who opposed them. Or even the white hallers. I have heard tales of how they have murdered whole families as 'examples' to the people of Aequor, something you would never do. But to them that is not evil, Because that is their way. An action is only right or wrong if you yourself believe it is right or wrong. And your beliefs are yours alone. Others have different beliefs."
"In the quest, as another example, I am believed to to have noble blood. I am afforded a certain rank, and respect and privilege because of that blood. The Empire places no value on my blood, only on my abilities. And so, to them, my blood is not noble. And yet, by blood is my blood and does not suddenly change when I pass out of your lands and enter imperial lands. All that changes in the perception of the people in each place."
Alia lifted a hand, calling over one of the servers, speaking only before they were close enough to hear, and then after, once they had wandered off to fill the order for drinks and cheese, "The Church does not like any power they cannot control. They have been up in arms for centuries, railing against those alchemists who do not work for them and only for them." That final question seemed to surprise her, but she nodded, "I think that they would. I will speak with Darius when I can, and see if he can spare a priest or two to tend to your people."
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"If they place no value on blood. Then why do they have noble families?" Ludovic's question is not so much a challenge as it is an honest inability to grasp the idea. "You know you are a bad example of what you're trying to say about noble blood?" he adds. "From what I see both sides value you as nobility."
He nods slowly as she says that about alchemists. "I didn't know much about that. But I do know that alchemy is very dangerous. I don't think its wrong to want to control it. Hell I don't think its wrong to want to control sorcery. I've been thinking that there should be an order, like the horned knights, where sorcerers have to provide service and swear oaths. That the sorcerers should control each other."
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"You are right. They do have noble families, but in the Empire, a person's nobility had nothing to do with their blood, but with their actions. You were born in Aequor, to a father of noble blood. Because you are his child, you are also of noble blood. You are noble because of what you are not what you have done. if you had spent your life drinking and whoring and never taking up a sword or learning a trade, you would still be noble. If, however, you had been born in the Empire, you would be considered noble, not because of the blood that flows in your veins, but because of the nobility your father had earned for you through his actions. And you would only be considered noble in a sort of token sense until you had proved your own worth through your actions. So…ancestry aside, here, you are noble because of your blood. In the Empire you would be noble because you had earned your knighthood, because you had commanded the Horned Knights, and because of the many other good works which you have done in your life. As well, you can lose nobility and gain it much more easily there than you can here. A good action can grant me nobility there and a bad action can take it away. Here, a knight can be raised to nobility…but it is seldom taken away. I have lost all of my kin and my House is dead, and yet, people still persist in considering me noble."
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"I was promised governorship of this whole area once." Ludovic says a little reluctantly. "But I feel as if the moment it was expedient it would be stripped away. That there is nothing I could ever do to be secure in what i've earned. And if I just handed everything over and put myself in the position where that would happen - I'd be a fool."
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"I do not know if what you believe to be the eventual outcome is what would actually be the eventual outcome. The empire is an evil to you, I understand that. Their ways are alien, and you have lived your entire life hating and distrusting them. And yet, that has not been my experience since I pledged myself to their service. That is not to say that there are not people within the empire that I would like nothing better than to see fed to a pack of starved elementi while I look on and drank a glass of wine. But. There are good and evil people in the Empire. There are good and evil people in Aequor and in every corner of the west and the known world. You have only had a few interactions with the Empire, and on a number of occasions, you have seen the worst of its people and you have judged them all for the actions of a few. You have a temper, and you allowed it to cloud your judgment, and you have removed any idea that the empire could be anything but usurpers and invaders from your mind. I cannot change that. I have tried, but what you believe is what you believe. All I can say is…I have provided the Empire with good service and I have been rewarded for it. I have no illusions that should they ever depart these lands, that they will take me with them, but I do believe that if that day should come, they will leave me the better for it than when they found me."
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Ludovic gives Alia a baffled look. "I don't hate the empire Alia. I'd like nothing more than to see the trade routes reopen. I forgave their aggression and offered them a military alliance. I've opened trade. I sheltered an Imperial when I had no idea that Darius even existed. I've never hated them. I just don't trust them. They have already proved that they have no intention of honoring any promise made to me and worst, seem to consider it some kind of virtue." He frowns at what she says about him having removed any idea of compromise with them. "I was going to take an offer to them. One that offered service in exchange for my land." He gives her a little twist of a smile. "I do have a temper but i'm not unreasonable. I know that the best outcome for me is negotiation and peace and I know that they have the stronger position. That i'm going to have to pay for what I want."
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"You would like nothing more than to reopen trade routes, and yet, after a bad meeting with the Empire, you were the one who closed off the pass for months, you barred us from using it. You warned me against attempting to go against your orders. Me. And I have never been anything but honest and faithful to our friendship. As well, I am curious how they showed that they proved that one broken promise, which, was, if I believe, not even a promise to you, if it was a promise at all, and not just a belief that you had because it was what you would do in their place, but one which belonged to the Viscount Arkanin, means that every other promise will be false. How many mistakes have you made, Ludovic? Should every mistake be held against you for the rest of your days?" Alia paused, once again, as the light meal was delivered. "Should one bad act destroy not only a history of good acts on your part, but negate any hope that you will do again? How is what you are doing any different from what the King and the Church are doing to sorcerers? Judging a person's worth based on a single act or the possibility of an act rather than judging them based on what you know to be fact through your own observation?" She shook her head, "This is the same argument that we have again and again. And the result is always the same."
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Ludovic grunts at her words and for a little while after he doesn't even look at her. When he does he says. "It wasn't just one thing. After they took Candeo we went to them, trying to explain and work something out, but we were met with insults and aggression. It was never just me." he takes a deep breath, frowning as he does so. "But. I know I didn't do the best I could have politically. I'd fix it if I knew how."
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Alia listened, as she went through the process of serving Ludovic first, and then herself, waiting until he was finished before she continues, "Yes, I heard about your visit and that the twins were their…usual," there was a twist of her lips there, "selves. Did it ever occur to you that that was their attempt to test you? To see the lengths of your temper and how you would react in the face of adversity or insult? That they were perhaps, purposefully attempting to offend you so that they could take your measure?" Alia looked down at her plate, selecting a piece of cheese and biting into it. There was no malice in the action, but simple hunger. It had been a long journey from Candeo.
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"All I know Alia." Ludovic says "Is that when the Archduchess and I went with the intent to try and work out how to continue working with the Imperials, that our reception was one of hostility and insult. All I know is that I've tried to approach the Empire, more than once, and every time there's been no interest in negotiation at all. That I can submit or.. nothing. There's no alternative. I /want/ to negotiate." He gestures when he says that, emphatic in his statement. "Dammit you have no idea how much I want there to be a way out of this stalemate. But I cant find an out. And the Imperials are not offering me one."
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Alia again, was happy to be silent. To listen and only listen, as Ludovic spoke. And then, once he had finished, she took time to consider her words, "If you feel that you cannot negotiate with the Empire, or you feel that those that have been the ones you have spoken to are not offering you a willing ear and an open line of communication, then I will offer to intercede for you. Put together a list of what it is that you want, what you are offering and what you hope to achieve and I will bring it to Darius when I speak to him about a priest."
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Ludovic half closes his eyes at what she says before giving her a strong nod of agreement. "I just need to be listened to Alia. Truly listened to. There has to be some compromise possible between us. I know I'm gonna struggle to trust them in another military agreement. I know that my wife was partly responsible for what happened there. I know that my tempers not helped. But i'm not asking for anything impossible. I'm not. Nobody came to me to ask for trade to be reopened. So how could I ever negotiate a way to reopen it?" he sits back, looking a bit grumpy and worn out. "I've got things I intend to try and negotiate tomorrow, when I go to the City. Maybe they'll give me something this time."
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"Clearly, those who you have met or spoken to in the Empire have not placated your concerns. So, I offer myself. We have come to know each other quite well. And whatever else my family might have done in the past, they were loyal to you, as I was, until circumstances dictated that I take another path. I am your friend, Dovi. And if I can help you in this, I will do whatever I can."
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Ludovic gives Alia a serious nod. "If you can get the authority Alia then I'd be very happy to accept you in that role."
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Alia nodded, reaching over to top off Ludovic's cup and then her own, "Would you prefer that I simply speak to him about the priests first, and tell him that you wish to use me as an intermediary? Or do you always want me to bring with me a list of your needs and what you have to offer?"
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Ludovic closes his eyes briefly again before opening them with a slight shake of his head. "Its not about a list of demands or needs. That's why we're stuck. If I gave you a list now, before we've been able to discuss whats impossible and whats possible, then it would just be thrown out as to much. And after last time we're gonna need to do it in stages. If I'd done it in stages last time maybe we'd not have ended up in this situation at all." He sighs. "So. Work out what his intentions are, his goals. Then we can sit down, talk about what we both want, and try and work out some middle road that makes us both miserable." he gives her a quick smile. "But, if you can even just get him to send me a negotiator to start talks then you'll already have made a huge difference to me. How can I offer what he wants if I don't even know what it is?" There's another smile. "The priest would be a favor to me. I wish to learn how the imperial church views the world. I think they will want to come."
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"I believe we are getting into that loggerhead again, Dovi, but I will speak with him. And I already know what he wants, but without his permission, it would be a betrayal of his trust to speak of it. Let us begin with the priest. I think he would be willing to send one, and it may help to open the eyes of the people to truths that this church has tried to hide. We will see. It is a beginning."
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"Sorry." Ludovic says with a slight wince. "I'm not trying to be difficult. I just can't write a true list of what I need without weakening my bargaining position." A smile for her words of needing Darius' permission. "I would not want to hear anything else. Tell him that I will be negotiating for Hellsmouth, not Aequor and not the eastern duchy. If he wants either of them he'll need to send a negotiator to their courts, not mine."
He picks up the drink he's been rather neglecting up to this point. "You've not got the greatest opinion of me do you?"
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"I think, that you are being too literal, Dovi. A list doesn't have to be…I want 100 cattle, and 50 horses, and a bouquet of roses for my birthday. It could be something as simple as, "I would like to meet with you to discuss the current state of Hellmouth and the Imperial Legion and try to find a way that we can create a relationship that is mutually beneficial and allows us to seek our goals. I would like to meet to discuss whether or not we have something to offer each other and what our expectations would be to each other if we made an agreement for trade…" Alia trailed off, before she picked back up, "I think, if I am being honest, Dovi, that the only opinion that should matter to you is your own. As a knight, you are bold, effective, and valorous. But as the Lord of Hellmouth? I think you have not yet stepped out of the shadows of your father and brothers. You look to them and see greatness, but refuse to see the greatness and the potential for greatness in yourself. Your people have faith in you, and yet, it seems to me, that you have no faith in yourself."
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"Isn't that what I already asked for?" Ludovic asks her with a guilty flicker of a smile. "But you're right. We shouldn't dwell on it. Not today."
The way her next words start brings him no surprise, not until she says he has no faith in himself. "That's not what I expected you to say. Thought you'd come out with something like what Clinton's always saying. That I'm too brash. Specially after the telling off you gave me earlier." He rubs his thumb over his lips, seeming to actually consider what shes said. "Think I've got things I'm great at and things I need to let other folks do. I don't see that as lacking faith."
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"I have told you off quite a number of times, if my memory serves me well, as you have done to me." Alia's lips curled into a smile, "And yet, we have not yet attempted to choke the life out of each other. Though I have no doubt that it has been a close thing more often than either of us would like to admit." She did offer a tilt of her head, studying his face, "And yet, the first words you said to me, was about doubting your decision in regards to a choice you made." She lifted her shoulders in a light shrug, "And quite often, the way we see ourselves is not always the way people see us."
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"Don't suppose you'd consider coming back if I promised to grant you an estate Alia?" Ludovic just kind of puts out there. "I wish i'd offered it a great deal ago. But I didn't know you existed. Not until it was too late."
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Alia shook her head, "No, Dovi. Because it was never about the estate, the land, the castle. Blood was spilled. Blood is owed. And the Legion provides me with safety, training, and opportunities that I would never be able to achieve in Aequor. I did not chose the Legion to spite you, I chose the Legion to make the most of myself, and I chose them because they offered me the best choice for myself."
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"I never thought it was to spite me." Ludovic tells her. "I never thought that. Its just…" He sits back and gives her one of his more charming grins. "Well you cant blame me can you?"
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"Actually, I don't know what I think of it. I don't even know what you think of me. You praise me on the one hand, and then tell me you think I am not capable of traveling with you on a scouting mission the next. You tell me I am capable on the one hand, but then throw the failure f my family in my face. I honestly don't know what your honest opinion is of me." Alia's voice was not angry, only honest.
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Ludovic gets a look of chagrin before rubbing his hand through his beard. It takes him a moment to start talking but when he does its with his full intensity. "Whatever I did, or said, to make you think I didn't want you along was not how I meant it. I think a great deal of you Alia. In fact," This part is more matter of fact than the rest. "when I was looking for a countess, you're pretty much exactly what I'd hoped to find."
-
Alia's expression softened, showing, of all things, sympathy, "Perhaps that was not what you intended, Dovi, but that was how those words sounded. I sometimes think you see me as a noblewoman, trained for nothing but tending a house and producing heirs. Even if I had wanted to be that woman, which I do not, that path was lost to me the day I was accepted into the Academy. I have spent my entire life working, struggling, pushing myself, and being treated no better and often far worse than those who studied along side me with common blood. I have earned every ounce of my success, and I have not for a minute forgotten that it means to work and to sacrifice." As for the last, "Then I am also sorry, because you are a fine Viscount, but our roads are too far divided."
-
"No." Ludovic tells her, his own expression softening a moment. "I've never seen you as anything that simple." He shakes his head at her last apology. "There's no need to apologise to me Alia. I'm not looking for another wife and besides," he gives her a smile. "I know you'd say no. Doesn't change what I said though. You'd have made a real good Countess." He folds his hands around his cup and gives her another quick smile. "So have I humiliated myself enough then?" His smile just gets stronger. "I can propose to you in the middle of Candeo if you'd like. Might get you some extra fame."
-
Alia reached across the table, her fingertips touching the back of one of Dovi's hands, though she did not pull it from the cup he was holding, "Whether you have sworn off wives or no, Dovi. I hope that one day, if you do not find love, or do not go looking for it, that you will at least find comfort." The joke brightened her smile, and brought laughter to her lips, "No, do not do that. Someone will decide that it's a damned good idea and then we'll be stuck with each other, you waving from one side of the Pass and I from the other."
-
Ludovic chuckles at that. "Don't you know?" he asks her. "That's part of what makes a perfect wife."
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There was amusement in Alia's eyes at the question, "Actually, I would not. I have never had or gone looking for a wife."
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Ludovic just grins at her then admits. "Truth be told. I was looking for a countess. Had persuaded myself non of the rest mattered. Or that it would happen eventually. But I really needed someone to help me with the leading." He gestures a little with his cup. "You weren't wrong when you said I never thought I was half the men my father or brothers were. And when I started up I wasn't half the man I am now. I wasn't ready to take over. Am now. I think."
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"I do not see why one needs to be a Countess to advise you. A trusted lover, a close friend, all of these can serve that purpose, in addition to whatever other duties or entertainments you have decided between yourself. No one would have to know that, perhaps, just perhaps, the ideas were not all coming from you, you know." Alia lifted a fingers, wagging it in his direction, "You had a good thing going, until you added in that 'I think.'"
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Ludovic smiles and shrugs. "Tend to feel like I've grabbed a bull by the horns and now i'm just trying desperately not to let go. Besides, I reckon we'll never know if I was any good, not until my own grandkids are looking back and saying that their grandpa was a great man. Suppose there's some good to be said in having a bastard daughter in a foreign court." The lover part he lifts his mug at and gives her an amused smirk. "So that would be alright then would it?" He adds a wink, using his injured side for the motion, in order to hopefully remove any actual feeling of a proposition from the suggestion. "Part of what I wanted was a partner. Someone who could shoulder some of the burden. That's why I needed a countess rather than a lover." He shrugs his shoulder again. "Don't you think you'd feel doubt at times too? If you were trying to do what I am?"
-
Alia shook her head, "I don't believe that, Dovi. I believe that you can see the good that you do in every moment of the day. Life is not something that you look at at a distance, after you've lived your life and you're about to go on to the next. Live is every moment that we life, every breath. The first time you see a foal from a line of your horses, that is a good thing. Every time you see the face of someone you saved from the enemy, that is a food thing." Alia took another piece of cheese, setting it on her plate before she broke off a bit of bread, "The Archduchess does quite well for herself, and she has no spouse, only a consort. I could name quite a few others who have done well for themselves without a spouse. It doesn't matter what the world call a person, it matters what you call them. As for myself? I don't know. Like you, I was never raised to believe that I would ever have to face the responsibilities that you do."
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Ludovic smiles when she points out the live in the moment line. "I do. I love my life. I love my horses and my dogs and my men. Hell i'm even learning to love knowing that i'm never alone." He taps a fist to his heart at part of his statement. "I love the feeling of rock bending to please me. The feeling of a woman in my arms. My nieces silly giggle. All of it. Its not the things I've not done that worry me." His expression goes serious. "Its the sheer scale of some of the decisions I've had to make. I've had to face down an overwhelming force of Imperials, fight an ancient monster without lightsilver, forge alliances, feel the backwash as men and women /burn/ and now I've even made myself a traitor to my own country. I don't think i'm weak for wanting a companion or wanting just a little reassurance that I'm not being a fool, especially given some of the mistakes I've made. That's not whats wrong or weak. Heck it helps stop my impulses from ruling me. Its only bad if it stops you acting."
-
"Dovi, I did not say that it was weak to want a companion. I said a companion does not have to fit into the neat little boxes that your society tells you they must. A woman, or a man does not need to bear th title of spouse to offer you comfort and support." Alia settled back, seeming, for the time being, to set aside some of the more contentious words, "Why do you seem to seek always to twist my words and take a meaning from them that was not in them?"
-
"No but only a spouse is an equal." Ludovic seems to have cooled off a bit of his ardor with that whole speech and now just looks kinda embarrassed. An expression that only doubles at her final question. His gaze drifting down and to the side as he tries to answer her question, only raising when he's got an answer. "Some of its just passion." he tries. "And some of its because I kinda like arguing with you. Up until we start getting frustrated anyway."
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"And someone cannot truly shoulder your burden if they are not an equal? That seems a terrible estimation of what love and companionship are, Dovi." Alia offered a sniff at his answer, though there was mischief in her eyes, "You had better watch yourself, Viscount d'Korbina. Don't forget, I can still make your eyebrows disappear." She lifted a hand, snapping her fingers, "One little spark, and half of your face would be bald as an egg."
-
"I don't see how it can work if they are my subordinate." Ludovic says with a little frown of thought. "I've always thought. Huh." He grunts and gives her a grouchy look. "Why do you always have to shatter my world views like that Alia? Now I'm gonna have to spend time working out what you even mean."
The threat breaks the hint of grouchiness and chases it away with a laugh. His hand comes up to protect his lower face and he throws a well humoured threat back at her. "Do that and i'll force you to stare at my face until it all grows back."
-
"A lover, someone that you truly love and respect is never a subordinate, Dovi, no matter what society might say their rank is. To use that same example, do you think that Jasmina loved her consort any less when he was only her lover? Do you think she loves him more now that he has a fancy new title? No, she simply loves him. The title was simply an outward announcement to the world of something they already knew. I have do doubt that his provides her comfort and companionship regardless." Again, that little sniff, "You think that a threat? Wait until I develop a salve that will grow your hair, you will e braiding that beard and having to throw it over your shoulder just to keep from tripping on it."
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"No." Ludovic mumbles after a moments thought. "I don't think that. But I don't think they have the sort of relationship i'm talking about neither. And wouldn't any woman feel insecure without the comfort of a marriage contract? She's investing everything and without that, i'm not even promising not to replace her." He moves up to his feet in a way that suggests he's still trying to think this whole deep concept through. "I'm not good at picking women. Olivia turned out to be Pompey's fiancee." he grimaces and adds. "and Imogen.. that was just disastrous." and wasn't she Pompey's fiancee at one point too?
Beard lotion gains a sudden smile that develops into a full scale grin after a moment. "If thats true. I'd love to try it."
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"Nor would she be promising not to replace you, Dovi. Relationships do not only go one way. A man can be set aside just as easily as a woman. To think otherwise is to devalue your partner. Or to overvalue yourself." Alia, however, seeing Dovi rise to his feet, seemed content to set aside the argument for another day, "Thank you for offering me some of your time, Dovi. I will be in and around Hellmouth for a while yet. I am sure that I will see you again soon." As for the lotion, Alia only laughed, "We shall see."
-
Ludovic gives another grimace at her words. "I'm starting to feel like I'm an awful person to be involved with." He quirks one side of his mouth up to take the edge off his words. "Guess it serves me right for telling you you'd have been the perfect Countess." He touches her arm. "I'm off to Paras. I've got a couple of deals i'm presenting to the consul. If you're leaving today I can wait so you can finish explaining love to me on the ride. Otherwise. You could feed me on my way home maybe?"
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"No, Dovi. Not an awful person. I think, fairer to say that you make assumptions, sometimes, about women and what they do and do not want from relationships." Alia took a moment to consider, before she shook her head, "My business here can wait. I would be happy to escort you to Paras. And perhaps I will not be tempted to scorch off some patch of your body hair." She did offer a smile at the touch on her arm, "Let us be off. The road will be long, but the explanation most likely longer still."